"The night sky is not lit up by one star, but by the billions of stars. Shine bright Black girls….Be bold. Be bright. Be blessed."
Just a few black girls/women who blew me away in 2013. I can’t wait to see what 2014 holds for them, for us, and for all Women of Color.
"We are all, everyone in this room, so fortunate."
FUCKING QUEEN. SHE UNDERSTANDS HER PRIVELAGE AND SHINES LIGHT ON LESS PRIVILEGED PEOPLE.
A man is 631 times more likely to become an NFL player than to be falsely accused of rape.
"We end on a serious note. Because 1 in 33 men will be raped in his lifetime, men are 82,000x more likely to be raped than falsely accused of rape. It seems many of us would do well to pay more attention to how rape culture affects us all than be paranoid about false accusers.”
that last paragraph
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to recover. This is not a test. You will not be graded on it. There is no pass or fail. You are doing okay. Just keep going. Don’t stop. You will get there. Healing takes time; don’t expect too much of yourself. You are okay.
SO. FUCKING. IMPORTANT.
Learning to speak to children in a constructive, positively reinforcing, non-abusive way (which was hard to unlearn due to my own abuse) is one of the most important things i have ever learned to do. It’s also dramatically changed how i speak with adults.
Yeah, I wanna emphasize that last part more: This is in no way limited to talking to kids. Do it with everyone.
I have one that really fucked me up as a kid: I’d be chewed out for messing up margin spacing or having a messy desk or being late literally all the time. The teacher would tell me to get my shit together, and I’d apologize and say “I’ll try.” Promising to do my best even though it was really hard.
To which the teacher(s) replied: “Don’t TRY. Do it.”
This was intended to be tough love and empowerment—to put tiny Luka in a can-do mood. To make tiny Luka use his abilities without an attitude of self-defeat.
What tiny, literal-minded Luka understood it to mean, however, was that he was making a mistake if success required effort. I distinctly remember being in the third grade and hanging on the monkey bars thinking about this, in major turmoil because I was so steamed.
"Don’t TRY. DO it!”
I was really mad, because the best I could figure was that was some stupid Lewis Carrolian “Serve the cake before you cut it” bullshit. How can you do something that’s really fucking hard without effort? Was success a matter of being abler? Maybe for smart people, good students, normal kids. Three things I obviously wasn’t, and had my nose rubbed in it any time my timid attempts to appease these tyrants and communicate commitment to cooperate were shot down.
So yeah, don’t say cutting shit to littles, they have a whole internal world where that stuff goes rocketing around like a pinball ringing all their insecurities. If it’s harsh on adult ears it’s ass cancer to a third grader who cares even a little bit about pleasing authority figures.